Hi Everyone!
Sorry it’s been AGES since I’ve blogged. I’ve been getting a book ready for publishing, but I know that’s not an excuse! In preparation for the book release, I’ve started a new site and will be transitioning over. Since my book is on what they DON’T tell you about online dating, my blog will be centered around online dating and all that entails. I’d love to have you join, visit and share your thoughts!
Here’s the link:
Happiness: given or taken?
No one can make you happy. There, I said it. Take a deep breath. It gets better.
No one can make you unhappy either.
Sounds strange, right? We always think, if I find a boyfriend or girlfriend THEN I’ll be happy. I hate to burst your bubble, but if you’re waiting around to find someone who will make you happy, you’re in for a shock.
Sure, others can bring comfort and feelings of happiness. But the truth is, no one is in control of our emotions but us. Even in a perfect scenario, we can still choose to be unhappy. Likewise, even in the worst situation we can choose to be happy.
I know, you’re mind has been blown. Take a minute and regroup then really think about it. Especially as the holidays approach. Remember, a million things can go wrong and you have no control over them. But you do have control over yourself.
So what do you think? This holiday which will you choose?
Holiday Traditions- Some old, some new
One of my favorite things about the holidays is tradition. Passed down from generation to generation, traditions bind the past and the present. They give us something to remember, look forward to and cherish in the moment.
My ex and I had a Christmas Eve morning tradition. We would wake up, make cinnamon coffee and chocolate chip pancakes and watch all of the old Claymation Christmas movies in our matching PJs. Corny, yes, but I loved our corny holiday tradition. It was something I joyfully anticipated every year and looked forward to sharing one day with our children.
Now that we are no longer together, it’s a tradition I’ve learned to let go. At first, it made me sad to put it behind me, but now I’m excited for a Christmas tradition do-over. I have a chance to create a whole new tradition. I’m not entirely sure what it will be yet, but I can’t wait to find out.
Do you have any unique holiday traditions you share with your Special Someone? What about with family and friends? I’d love to hear about it!
Are they any stranger than these….?
http://www.parenting.com/gallery/weird-christmas-traditions?pnid=115500
Stand up or Give In?
In every relationship it’s inevitable that you will fight at one time or another.
Family, dating, friendships… arguments don’t discriminate.
My question is, when you’re in a fight, how important is it to determine who’s in the wrong? Are there always two sides to every story? Or can there sometimes by the “antagonist” and the “victim?” Okay, I guess that’s more than one question….
Now, say you’re in a fight and you feel that you’re in the “right.” Do you stand your ground waiting for an apology? Or do you give in for the sake of peace?
Personally, I like to weigh the cost. Is it a fight where only my pride will suffer if I give in? If so, I might relent to end the war. If others are involved and need to be protected, I would stand my ground.
As with most major decisions, the answer should be made on a case by case basis. However, most people tend to lean more one way or the other.
Are you a fighter whose motto is “stand your ground?”
Or are you generally the peace keeper, willing to give in for the sake of the relationship?
Thanksgiving (and being single)- Love it or skip it?
It’s that time of year again.
Christmas is fast approaching.
Christmas lists are made, decorations are out, and holiday music is on the radio.
But as I hum along to the familiar tune, “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…,” I can’t help but realize, it’s not BEGINNING to look like Christmas, it ALREADY DOES. And it’s only the 18th of November.
Once again, we’ve completely skipped over Thanksgiving.
Thanks, but no thanks.
And it made me wonder… do we skip over other seasons in life too? Is Thanksgiving the singledom of holidays?
Most of my single girlfriends vehemently lament the single period in their life. Instead of enjoying it, they do anything they can to rush passed it. Finding a boyfriend is their Christmas morning. It’s the moment they’ve been waiting for, planning for and hoping for. But is being single really that horrible? Or do we just forget to stop and enjoy it?
Take Thanksgiving for example… There’s the turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and let’s not forget the pumpkin pie! There’s football, hayrides, fall colors, family gatherings and traditions.
Is Thanksgiving a big waste of time? Should we get rid of the holiday all together and jump right in to Christmas? I think most people would say “no.”
So why do we want to skip over being single? Doesn’t it have it’s share of good times? You can focus more on your career, find hobbies that you enjoy, challenge you and make you a more well-rounded, interesting person. You can spend times with friends, traveling and strengthening bonds that will be important even when you’ve found “the one.” You can pursue your passions being selfish with your time and grow into an independent individual who doesn’t need someone to complete them.
So instead of skipping over the Thanksgiving of our love lives, why can’t we make the best of it? Eventually Christmas morning will come. Until then, enjoy the holiday at hand. After all, Thanksgiving is a time of giving thanks.
Even if you’re single.
Shallow Hal or just Honest Abe?
We all like to be told we’re pretty. Especially by our crushes and significant others. And even the least superficial of us have to admit that in order to make a true connection, SOME physical attraction has to exist.
But to what extent do you want your looks to matter?
Allow me to elaborate…
My friend Shaylah and I were having drinks last night. She’s been going out with a guy we’ll call Shallow Hal, for a few months. Two nights ago they were cuddling and Shaylah dropped the question that most girls ask at some point in a relationship…
“Why do you like me?” She cooed, snuggling against his hairless chest.
“Because you’re pretty,” he responded, without skipping a beat.
She smiled, pleased as most girls would be after being called pretty, and purred, “Why else?”
Again, without hesitation, he said, “You’re really pretty. Like, the prettiest girl I’ve ever dated.”
At this point in her story, I was livid. I actually wanted to throw my vodka tonic in the face of the next guy that walked by, just to make a point to all men. Luckily for them, they remained at a safe distance. Of course, I was hoping she let him have it. But instead, she decided to try reasoning with him. After all, she told me, there had to be other reasons besides her looks, right?
So she mentioned, “But at some point, when I’m old and wrinkly, I won’t be pretty anymore. Will you still like me?” She thought she had him. He’d have to admit there were other reasons keeping them together. Her sweet temperament, her sense of humor, maybe her brains?
This time, he paused a moment before answering, “Yeah, but I’ll be even older and more wrinkly, so unless you completely let yourself go, I’ll probably still find you attractive. After all, looks are all relative. So when I’m ninety and you’re eighty-five, if you’re still taking care of yourself, I bet I’ll still like you.”
I guzzled the rest of my drink, daring a man to even look at me. I expected Shaylah to tell me she slapped him, or stormed out of his apartment, but sadly, she didn’t seem all that upset. In her mind, he had a point. In her MIND, there were still other reasons he liked her, even if he didn’t come right out and say it. In fact, I think she was already planning her beauty regimen for the next fifty years. Gotta keep it high and tight in senior citizen aerobics.
As I ordered another drink I wondered, was I overreacting? Was it okay that Shallow Hal put so much emphasis on Shaylah’s looks? After all, she is a beautiful girl. But is that all she is?
When it gets right down to it, how much do looks matter? If you became horribly disfigured in a car accident, would you expect your significant other to stay with you? To sill love you? And perhaps more importantly, if the situation were revered, would you stay with him?
Lieber Fever
Okay. So I was clearly not a computer geek in another life (or this one). I am completely and utterly useless when it comes to technology. Which brings me to another confession:
This is the second time I’ve been nominated for a Liebster Award and I’m just now figuring out how to respond to it. Sad, I know.
But big thanks to one of my favorite bloggers, Sex and the Cincy, for nominating me and assuming I’d be smart enough to figure it out.
First, to answer her ten questions:
- What is your most memorable or favorite blog piece you have written? Why? I’d have to say any of my posts involving Castro are my favorites. That guy is always giving good, albeit crazy advice, and I have fun sharing it. Even though sometimes his advice makes me want to punch him in the face.
- Who inspires you? I’m inspired by anyone who finds their passion and goes for it. At the moment, two of my friends, Matt and Valerie, have self-published their books on Amazon (The Benjamin Chronicles and RomCon) and they are a huge inspiration to me! It’s not easy to put yourself and your work out there.
- What is your favorite quote? Right now, it’s a quote from The Man, Bob Marley. “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” (Of course, I imagine the words being said in a Jamaican accent.)
- How would you describe yourself in five words? I couldn’t. I’m an oxymoron so any word I choose, I’d have to also list the opposite. For example: I’m strong, but also vulnerable; scared, but also hopeful; sarcastic, but also sweet; loyal, but can also be crossed; a dreamer, but also a realist. You get the idea…
- If you could meet any blogger, who would it be? Cincy, not just because she nominated me, but also because she cracks me up! And we see eye-to-eye on a lot of topics. I’d love to have a drink and b*tch.
- If your blog was a food or dessert, what would it be? Hopefully chocolate. Delicious, but (with the right cocoa percentage) also good for you.
- What is your favorite love/romantic movie? I prefer old school movies like When Harry Met Sally or You’ve Got Mail. Sure, they’re not sexy, raunchy or full of slap-stick humor, but they have great dialogue and feel more like they’re about real people. For more modern films, I’ll go with Bridget Jones (talk about real life) and for some sexiness, The Holiday (great acting and Jude Law is yummy).
- What is your best and worst quality? If this were a job interview I’d say, “My best quality is that I work hard and my worst quality is that I work too hard.” For this award, I’ll say my best and worst quality is that I’m Italian. So I’m passionate about what and whom I love, but you won’t like me when I’m angry (hm… maybe the Hulk was Italian too).
- Where is your favorite place to write? In bed with a cup of coffee (Only Mariposa Coffee, please).
- What is your dream job? Being a published author. Fingers crossed, my novel should be out next year!
My Top Ten Nominees (in no particular order):
1. Pancakes and Prose A blog that’s honest, real and really funny! This blogger has also recently published a novel so kudos all around! Check it out here: RomCon
2. A Place For You And Me Mia’s writing is always beautiful and haunting at the same time. Her voice is unique, but her musings are universal.
3. Jim’s Studies on Love and Dating Whether you agree with him or not, you have to admit he’s funny! Of course, his advice reminds me a little bit of Castro so I might be biased…
4. A Woman’s Guide to Women I’m sure she has well over 100 followers, but since I couldn’t find an exact number, I’m going to nominate her anyway! That, and because she’s downright funny!
5. 43 and Single Okay, so now I’m just throwing all the rules out the window! 240 followers, but why not get a few more? Insightful and witty, this blogger’s posts are always a fun read!
6. Absence of Malice Once again, I have no idea how many followers Mike has, but maybe that’s due, in part, to my earlier confession of being computer illiterate. As always, I’m a sucker for hearing a guy’s opinion on love and life.. especially if it’s sincere.
7. The Reporter and The Girl Soooo I won’t even say how many followers this blog has (over 19,000- say what?!), but she’s coming out with a novel soon so I wanted to give a shout-out. If you haven’t checked out her blog, once you do, you’ll be hooked.
Well, clearly I’ve been cheating, but hey, cut me some slack! I’m still new to the blogosphere… if that’s even what we’re still calling it. I need to do some more research on brand new bloggers and then I will complete this post.
For now, here are my ten questions:
1. If you could be any character from any novel, who would it be?
2. If you could either do what you love for no money, or do what you hate for gobs of cash, which would you choose?
3. What is your biggest life regret (or do you have zero regrets)?
4. If you could say one thing to any ex from your past, what would it be?
5. What is one thing at the top of your bucket list?
6. Would you rather be famous or fly under the radar?
7. What’s the best piece of advice you were ever given?
8. What is your guiltiest pleasure?
9. How would you best describe your personal style?
10. If you could script your last words on earth, what would they be?
Now, in order to formally accept this award you must:
- Link back the person who nominated you (me!)
- Answer the 10 questions which were given to you by the nominator (above)
- Nominate 10 other bloggers for this award who have less than 200 followers
- Create 10 questions for your nominees to answer
- Let the nominees know that they have been nominated by going to their blog and notifying them
He’s BaaAaAAaaAaK!
Some of you may not remember my good buddy Castro. He’s been MIA the last few months because he took a temporary job in a city a few hours north. But guess what…
He’s BaAaAAaack!
We had coffee this morning and I got the shock of a lifetime: he’s been seeing someone!
For the sake of her privacy, we’ll call her Wild Wings, because that’s where she works and, of course, where they met.
First, allow me to paint the opening scene of their beautiful love story.
Castro sat at the bar at Buffalo Wild Wings with a coworker when he spotted her bottle blonde hair tied into a high pony-tale. He said the rear view was impressive, but she looked even better when she turned around. He needed to get her attention. Not exactly what you’d call “smooth,” he decided to catch her eye by taking the blazin’ challenge (you eat 12 of the spiciest wings in 6 minutes).
She brought him his wings. The countdown started. I don’t know what made him think she’d be turned on by how quickly he could get indigestion, but he swears it was working… until he started to gag. He claims one of the bones lodged in the back of his throat, but secretly, I think the wings were just too hot for him to handle.
When he emerged from the bathroom several minutes later, shamefaced and beaten, Wild Wings handed him a free beer. Apparently, she thought it was cute that he nearly yacked all over the table. They were a match made in heaven.
They started dating casually and had only been seeing each other for three weeks when it was time for Castro to head back home. Completely out of character, he asked her if she’d consider long distance. And completely out of nowhere, she said yes.
As Castro is telling me all of this, I start to squirm in my seat. Not just because, in general, I think long distance relationships are a recipe for failure, but also because I know Castro. His idea of long term is letting a girl stay until the next morning (not his best quality).
When he finished revealing his news, we sat in silence for over a minute, staring at each other. I could tell he wanted me to be excited for him, but my smile was forced. What in the world was he thinking? Long distance would never work.
And before you suggest it, he’s not the type to keep a girl long distance and fool around with other women closer to home. He wouldn’t see the point. And, deep down, he’s not that guy.
So the only answer is that he actually thinks it might work out with this girl. And since it was technically his coming home coffee, I didn’t want to spoil it with my doomsday prediction. So I kept my mouth shut and slurped my latte.
As for Castro and Wild Wings, only time will tell.
But if I had to bet, I don’t see it ending well.
What are your thoughts? Is long distance a do? Or a don’t?
Is There A Perfect Formula?
In school, I was never very good at science. But as I grew up and spent more time in the “real world,” I started to notice something… love can be a lot like a science experiment.
Allow me to elaborate.
The hypothesis: true love exists.
Method: trial and error.
Result: inconclusive.
In life, we date guy after guy searching for “The One.” Sometimes the experiment blows up in our face. Maybe we added too much of a certain element: we were too jealous or too needy. Maybe we didn’t add enough of an element: we were too guarded or too focused on our career. Maybe we turned up the heat too much or not enough. When you’re dealing with chemical experiments, there are a thousand and one things that can go wrong. So we keep trying with the expectation that the next time we’ll get it right. We’ll tweak the parameters hoping the outcome will change.
Is there any one perfect formula? Some say, yes. There are countless books, seminars, classes and films that all claim to have the secret to relationship success. So can you study your way to finding a soul-mate?
In my mind, some studying may help, but ultimately you have to put yourself out there and see what happens. Throw on your protective goggles, brace yourself for an explosion, but always remain hopeful. Eventually you’ll prove your hypothesis. Just make sure you’re ready to accept it.
“In all science, error precedes the truth, and it is better it should go first than last.” ~ Hugh Walpole
Innocent Until Proven Guilty?
The saying goes, innocent until proven guilty. But then there’s another saying: trust isn’t given, it’s earned. So which is it? Do we assume people are guilty? Or innocent?
This dilemma makes me especially curious in regards to relationships. Do we trust our significant others until they prove themselves untrustworthy? Or are we wary and guarded until they earn our trust (however long that takes)?
For example, my friend just started seeing a guy a few weeks ago who happens to be busy… a lot. They’ll have plans and he’ll cancel or she’ll have a night off, but he’s unable to hang out. He always has some excuse that seems valid, but there’s still some lingering doubt. Maybe he’s got something else going on. Maybe not. Which begs the question: should she automatically believe him? Or be suspicious?
Personally, I’ve always given my trust freely. I’ve never been one to snoop phones, emails or internet histories. Of course, I’ve also had some, er, unpleasant surprises which might have been prevented by a little covert sleuthing. But ultimately, I think I’m happier being duped one time out of ten, than being paranoid ten times out of ten.
But is there a fine line between trust and naivety? And if so, when is it crossed? Do you have to catch someone red handed? Or is reasonable doubt enough cause to take back your trust? Or, as in a court of law, is he innocent unless proven guilty… without a shadow of a doubt?
The Do-Over Girl 